Who wants to live forever |
Tänkte bjuda på en gammal novell jag skrev för ett år sen, är nästan sugen på att skriva om den, har utvecklats så enormt under ett år haha. Jaja, man måste bjuda lite på sig själv också. Det här var min absolut första novell i engelska, lite sött!
Dear Mom,
I will never forget when the doctor told me I was dying, that I only had a year left to live. My whole world fell apart; it was like all of the colors on this planet disappeared and left everything grey. I could no longer see the green leaves on the trees or the blue sky in a sunny day. Everything was dark, and all I could think about was the cancer in my body, how it every day ate the life out of me. I was so afraid to die.
But one day, something happened. All of my dreams and hopes came back. I wanted to do so much, I wanted to see the world, to fall in love and be happy. I was so young, I hadn’t start living yet, and I wasn’t ready to die. So I did what I thought I would never do, I bought a plane ticket to Italy, and France, Australia, New Zealand, China, South Africa, Zimbabwe and India, all of the countries I’ve always dreamed to visit. It took all of my savings, but that didn’t do anything, I was going die soon anyway.
And here it goes Mom, the story of my last year. The best, and the worst, thing I’ve ever experienced.
It was on the plane to Italy when I saw him. It was my first flight without you and I was so nervous that I, for real, thought I would die in a heart attack. I was so busy looking out of the window trying to call myself down, that I didn’t notice when he sat down next to me. After a while I started to relax, and it wasn’t long until I fell asleep… I don’t think I have to tell you who I fell asleep on. Yep, the mysterious man next to me of course. I really, really hope that I didn’t drool on him.
I woke up when the captain made an announcement that it was time to fasten our seat belts.
I think everyone could see how scared I was during our way down, because the man next to me laughed.
- Are you having fun? His voice made me look away from the window. My eyes met his golden brown, and I stared at him for a long time, stunned by his beauty. A playful smile played upon his lips and he raised his eye brows when I, after a few minutes, still hadn’t responded.
- Oh, I’m sorry, what did you say? It was so embarrassing, I couldn’t stop looking at him; it was like I was playing around in the white, fluffy clouds outside the window, unable to hear him.
The man laughed, he seemed to be so happy and full of joy.
-I asked you if you had fun, you looked so scared,
-I was scared! I hate to fly. I don’t have any control, what happens if something goes wrong? How can we trust this thing? I raised my arms towards the window, the world outside got bigger and bigger. The man looked at me, with his playful smile still upon his lips. He was quiet, like he was thinking of something, and then he replied. I will never forget those words, they changed my view of life, and it was those words that started everything.
-Don’t think too much, if you do, everything in this world becomes scary, he raised his hand and briefly touched my cheek, and you are too beautiful to live your life being afraid of everything,
I stared at him, unable to answer; the feeling of his hand on my cheek had paralyzed me.
-What did you say? The emotions that exploded through my body was something I had never felt before. The man smiled.
- You heard me. What’s your name? My instinct told me to look away, to forget him and how he made me feel. You know how I am; I don’t like to do spontaneous things. But I couldn’t. My whole body screamed at me, wanted me to listen to my instinct, but a stronger thought flew through my mind; I would soon die, I would lay in my bed of death, hating myself for not doing anything special in my life. So I ignored my screaming body, pushed all the negative feelings away and answered.
- My name is Jennifer
- Jennifer…That’s a beautiful name, he smiled. I noticed those cute dimples in his cheek. I returned his smile.
-Thank you! Now it’s your turn, tell me your name.
- Giovanni, Giovanni Donatello, I looked at him; he had those beautiful feature, so typically Italian, bushy eyebrows and dark hair, and he smiled at me when he noticed that I was watching him.
- Oh, so you’re going home now?
-Yes, finally. I have been teaching art in a college in Florida for a year, it have been so fun and giving, but I miss my home, you know, I smiled at him, I did know how it felt, I was away from Florida during college and my whole body missed my home, my house, my room, my neighbors. I looked out of the window when the memories where flooding back, and took a deep breath in surprise. We were on the ground! I had been so busy listening to Giovanni that I hadn’t noticed the flight was over. I stepped out of the plane seat and smiled at him
- It was fun talking to you! Welcome home, I took my bag and started to follow the rest of the passengers out of the plane. I heard Giovanni in the background of voices, but told myself to just keep on walking.
There were thousands of people in the airport; I almost couldn’t find my way to the luggage retrieving area. But after a few minutes of swearing and hating everybody in my way I finally found it. I wished that my suitcase would come really quick, so I could leave the airport and go to my hotel as soon as I could. I wanted to take a long bath, and after that fall asleep in a big, comfortable bed.
I don’t know for how long I stood there, staring at the role band hoping to see my big, black suitcase. The passengers from my plane had started to disappear and after while, everyone was gone. I was all by myself, angry and tired.
-Are you having fun? I jumped in surprise when I heard Giovanni’s voice. I turned around, stared at him. He was leaning on a big, white pillar, watching me with those shiny golden brown eyes.
-Yeah! I love to stand here, all by myself, waiting for my bag to come, do you want to join? It’s really fun! I sat down on the bench behind me and let out a big sigh. He laughed and walked to me.
-Do you want company? I looked at him; it was something odd about him. Why was he so determined to talk to me? I wasn’t that special, and I had actually ignored him on the way out of the airplane, and he wasn’t even angry. I formed my mouth, let the word NO play on my tongue, but when I was just about to tell him to leave, I changed my mind. It was actually really comforting to have him around, his energy was so bright and happy; I needed that right now.
- If you want to! You can entertain me so I don’t do anything I’ll regret tomorrow, he laughed and sat down next to me.
Two hours later I finally got my suitcase, they had forgotten it on the plane. If it wasn’t for Giovanni I would have gone crazy, but he just laughed and thanked them for getting it for me. During this time, I repeatedly found myself staring at him. He was so special, I was a bit sad that I soon would have to leave him, he made me feel safe. I know that it sounds crazy, I didn’t even know him; but something happens inside you after you sit in an empty airport for two hours with a guy, and just the fact that he made me calm myself down was something extra. I looked at him and took his hand; I told myself that it only was a friendly gesture, but it didn’t feel like it.
-Thank you for keeping me company, it was really fun.
-It was a pleasure, he smiled and followed me out of the airport. I was longing for a big bed to fall asleep on and almost rushed out of the doors. There was a taxi on the parking lot waiting for me.
-Jennifer! I turned around and looked at him, the moon was lighting up the sky and a warm breeze played with my long, brown hair.
-What?
-Which hotel will you stay in? He stood right in front of the entrees to the airport, the warm light from the lamps made him look like an angel.
-Maryelen & Giovi, why? He smiled and ran his hand through his dark hair.
-You don’t want to stay there.
-You don’t know that
-Yes I do, I stared at him. What was his problem? He didn’t even know me.
-Giovanni, I want to sleep, my body is aching. Can I go?
-No, he started to walk and stopped right in front of me. A warm feeling went through my body when I felt him so close.
-What do you want? I started to get really irritated, but at the same time I wanted to hear what he was going to say, and in a way I didn’t want him to go either.
-I want you to stay with me instead, to follow me home. I have a big house with a lot of rooms, in the middle of Rome, I stared at him, chocked. What did he just offer me? Thousands of feelings were flowing through my body; I didn’t know what to do.
- I…I don’t…, I began.
-Please. It would be so fun, I can show you around Rome! I looked at him, into his deep golden brown eyes. I wanted to run away, but at the same time I wanted him. I wanted to live in his house and have sightseeing around Rome with him. I reminded myself of what I was thinking about on the airplane; I would soon die, I would die without doing anything special. What could possibly happen anyway?
-Okey
-Okey?
-Yes, okey. But seriously, I’m dead tired, can we leave now? Giovanni smiled and nodded.
This was the beginning of something magic, he didn’t lie about his house, it was huge and the walls were filled of beautiful paintings, he really did love art. He didn’t lie about showing me the city either, for five days all we did was to visit different buildings and historically places, and it was fantastic. I stayed in Italy for 21 days, three weeks. It took two weeks for me to fall in love with him. It wasn’t something I planned do to, but after seeing how he smiled to everyone, even the ones he didn’t know, how he helped old ladies over the roads and played with children in the park I was lost. I loved everything about him, how he gladly talked about Italy’s history for hours, how he smiled at me when we walked though the city, how he became grumpy when I wanted to watch a different movie than him.
When I told him that I soon would travel to France, all he did was to smile. He smiled and said that he was happy for me, but a few hours later he became quiet and reserved. He was like that for two days. On the day I was going to France he came with a bag and a big smile on his lips and told me he was coming with me. It felt like one of those movies when love survives everything and the characters live happily ever after, it was something I will never forget. So we went to France. He kissed me for the first time on top of the Eiffel Tower, I still remember it; how he pulled me close and let his lips touch mine. It was up there, during the sunset, our souls became as one and I understood that he was the one for me. He was everything I needed. When I was lying in bed at night, thinking about the fact that I was dying, I panicked, but just by looking at Giovanni, how he slept next to me, how he breathed and lived, made me feel better. He saved me without even knowing it. He followed me to Australia, where we camped in the outback (we were scared out of our minds) and hanged around with the Koala Bears. He followed me to New Zeeland and gladly toggled along with me when I, hysterical happy, visited the location where Lord of The Rings were shot. He followed me to China and we meditated with the Buddhist monks. We went to Africa and helped the starving children; they were the most amazing children I have ever met. They were angels, so happy and full of life joy even when everything around them was falling apart. We had the opportunity to visit the savanna; we saw beautiful lions hunting for food, strong rhinoceros and the wonderful nature of Africa.
We saw the world together, we experienced sadness and happiness, and we grew as human beings. I don’t know how many times we had to solace each other after a horrible day full of death and hatefulness, but at the same time we had days were we played in the ocean and laughed at everything. We were full of life.
I saw how Giovanni grew as a person, I saw him become stronger and happier. That playful man I met on the airplane became a hero for everyone. He helped those who needed help and saw the beauty behind everything and everyone, even the ones who didn’t deserve help. For him, everyone did, even if they were “bad” people. He made me a better person too, before I met him I was a happy girl, I was kind to everyone but I had so much hate in me. His smile and golden brown eyes took all of the hatefulness out of me. Together we were stronger than anything and I had found home.
Now I am in India in a hospital. My body is aching; I can feel how my cells are dying inside of me. I want you here with me Mom, because I’m alone, I have nobody left.
Yesterday Giovanni died, he had been sick for a while, cancer, just like me. I don’t think he suffered before he died, I sat beside him and held his hand, I saw how he fell asleep and never woke up again. He died with a smile on his face. He always smiled. I know what you think, “what a hateful man, who was dying without telling you” but I understand him. I didn’t tell him about my illness either. We wanted each other to experience the beauty in this world, the beauty in love, without being afraid of losing each other. He told me before he died that this was the best year of his life, that I healed him from all of the pain the sickness would have given him. When I told him that I was dying too, he smiled a tired smile, but just as beautiful as it was when he was well. He said that we kind of survived the cancer together; even if we both dies we at least had the time of our life. We loved and we enjoyed each other and everything life gave us. Before he took his last breath he told me he loved me, his golden brown eyes was looking into mine and we became one again, just like our first kiss in Paris, and then he disappeared forever.
I miss him, I miss having him around, I miss his laugh and his eyes, his smile and his kindness. This world is so lonely without him and my whole body hurts when I remember that he no longer exists in this world.
I love you Mom, I hope you’ll like this letter, I thought you wanted to know how my trip was, if I fell in love like you thought I would , and I did. You would have loved Giovanni, he was amazing.
This wasn’t how I planned it, I thought I would make it back to you before the cancer took over my body. I’m so sorry for this, but I will watch over you every day.
I’m afraid of dying, I don’t want to die alone in a country I don’t know anything about, but at the same time I feel ready. I feel ready to leave this sick body behind, to leave all the medication I have to take every day for the unbearable pain. I am ready. Just one day without Giovanni have been torture, my soul is longing for him. I know he’ll be waiting for me, he promised me that. I am still afraid; I don’t want to lose you, Mom, I don’t know how I will survive up there without you. But I am ready, because, who wants to live forever?
Love you always,
Jennifer
|
|
|
|
