The baton and musical joy |
Bach was playing on the radio, the first piece from the Toccata & Fugue. Such a beautiful piece, the whole Toccata & Fugue was naturally very beautiful in whole. But the particular introduction piece was so astounding. That heavy organ playing just tears the soul apart with beauty, so powerful. Now it was going to be the last music that I would hear before my death. Since there really is no reason for me to keep living. 20 years I have lived without her, 20 years of hollow living. I have continued to live for so long and for what? She would hardly magically rise from her grave through my constant painful prayers. The dead remains dead. So why did I continue to live? Why have I chosen to prolong my torment? Perhaps because I felt that there was some part of her, still alive in me? But now it all just felt very pointless.
The beautiful piece was now closing to the end of itself. I felt how my heart as always dropped down to the feet of my soul. It was time. I reached for the razor blade on the table and was just about to make the first cut, when I suddenly just stopped. I somehow began to feel joy in me again and I dropped the blade on the floor. Despite if she was long gone and I should still feel miserable, I did not. The feeling of self-pity and sorrow died away. Why should I simply give up now? When I already have pressed on for 20 years, why give up now then? I should begin to live again and enjoy life. For she is with me, and always have been. I have just been too blind to see. In my salvation, Mozart was playing on the radio. It made me smile.
Reborn by this new energy, I ran out on the streets to express my joy. Running and singing on beautiful songs. People gave me strange looks and some stepped out of the way, feeling seemingly disgusted. I did not care and kept on expressing my happiness. Eventually a couple of policemen stopped me and arrested me. “So running through the respectable streets naked are we, sir?” To my embarrassment, I was naked. I had forgotten to put on clothes at all and had become absorbed by my happiness instead. “This is a mistake, I…” As I struggled, one of the officers without warning one of them banged me in the head with his baton. But still I smiled, what did it matter?
-The End
|
|
|
|
